a valentine to victims

For all the memory and space I gave to your opinion.
For all the ugliness and and pain and abuse that were allowed into my psyche as a developing person.
For every time I saw glimpses of kindness that misled me to trust you with my precious time.
For each comment spitting of venom and foulness that permeated the lovely women in my surroundings, and of course, me.
When I chose to listen, I gave heed, I let it sink all the way down into my soul.  And I let it sit there and stew and marinate.
I believed you.  I withdrew into my loneliness and self-loathing and I believed you.

I believed you.

Your poison and malice dripped into our dreams and heads and hopes and futures.  Those fragile places that you screwed with.  Mocked.

When I saw familiar behavior, that is where I devoted my time, as unconditional acceptance was a foreign idea.

I take responsibility for listening to you for even 1 second.

But how dare you!

Do you understand the opportunity you had?

We all in this life sense an insane amount of pressure to be perfect, to be flawless, to look as we should look, to work where we should work, to kiss who others want us to kiss.

Your cruel laugh will echo down the gutter and eventually I will only hear my own joy as I nurture myself for the first time ever.

And your fear will follow you everywhere and the universe will respond in-kind.

Pardon me as forgiveness can only begin as I admit that part of the influence you had I gave you.

I gave it to you.

I know you will never hear me.  See me.  Appreciate me.

That is my privilege.

 

 

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This entry was published on February 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm and is filed under to hear my voice. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “a valentine to victims

  1. Elizabeth on said:

    This resonates with me somehow. It’s biting and coarse and beautiful.

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